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Saturday, September 20, 2008

IT’S PAYBACK TIME!!

Did it strike you as odd how much rain Delhi has witnessed this season? Why did the level of ice dip to the lowest in the Arctic? The tsunami in Indonesia!. The earthquake in China! The typhoon in Miami! Why did the Kosi flood? …..the El Nino………….the La Nina………… Why in the name of the Almighty has the weather gone haywire? God’s barometer out of order or what?

Let us look back……retrospect…….. Not much …..Just a few decades. Saw or heard of any industrial plant spewing black smoke? Or people cutting trees to make way for a train track or apartment building? Or making a Dam for irrigating large fields? Or earth’s crust being drilled into exhaustively for oil and minerals? Or poisonous chemicals being dumped into water bodies? Or farmers spraying pesticides in fields? These are the colossal occurrences….. Policy decisions? …..Imminent and required for development and progress?……Government’s responsibility!….…Right?

OK. Let’s consider the individual or minor ones. When did you last get the PUC of your vehicle? No Idea? (What’s PUC man?) Never planted a sapling? Never tried to segregate the waste you generate? (Into bio-degradable and re-cyclable) Never pooled a car? Never used a mosquito net instead of vaporizer repellant? ‘No’ to any question?

Ever owned an AC or fridge using CFC? Installed a bore well for tapping ground water? Enjoyed a bonfire? Lit a cracker on Deepawali? Took a dip in the river at a hill station? Threw a toffee wrapper on the pavement? Honked endlessly at the vehicle in front? Left the water running while brushing your teeth? Forgot to switch off the light? Danced to the mind numbing and blaring music in a marriage? Smoked a Marlboro? ‘Yes’ to any query?

Then YOU are also one of many responsible for causing grievous injury to Mother Nature. Polluting it. Aiding in its destruction. Something which you could have controlled had you been sensitive enough to notice the subtle signs and warnings. Oh yes! Nature has been warning us for quite some time! The droughts in monsoon season! The rise in sea level! The extreme heat in summers (> 50 degrees centigrade)! Significant drop in winter temperature! The depleting ozone layer (causing skin cancers etc)! The earthquakes! Fresh activity in long extinct volcanoes (Mt Etna, Sicily)! The depleting crude oil and mineral reserves! The disappearing ground water! The decreasing soil fertility resulting in less food grains! The changing patterns of rains! The shifting climate!

It is you who chose to ignore them. Turn a blind eye!

Now Mother Nature has decided to payback! And with interest! Go figure!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

DO’S AND DON’TS AND DOCS!!!

There are certain things that need to be kept in mind while visiting your friendly neighborhood doc. The do’s and the don’ts! Each do and don’t is the moral of a certain story, an experience, that has either given the doc a headache and made him count his blessings…..repeatedly. Or has made his job tolerable and the patient’s experience bearable and relatively pleasant …..if not altogether cheery.

So the do’s are:

REMEMBER all your complaints/symptoms….. or at least most of them. Any symptom ….. however irrelevant you might ‘think’ it to be, may be vital. So you just tell …… and leave the ‘thinking’ part to your doc ….. it his. Any pain that seems to have fallen in love with you. Or chills that are not related to the horror flick you saw last night. Or a numbness that is not a sleeping limb. Or the tingling that has nothing to do with watching Katrina Kaif in a swim suit!J Any allergies…… like any medicine that might have given you the runs to the loo……or made you look like you have had a date with bumble bees…….or made you puke-ish….or worse ……caused you breathing trouble.……please remember. Any worm passage in …..you know ….poo(p). Any insect sting …..like wasp, bee. Any infestation like lice, fleas, ticks, mite. Any animal bite….. like dog, cat, horse, bat, pig, mice or any other. Also recorded are pigeon, parrot, ducks, camels, cow, goat! (It’s a big bad biting world of our feline, canine, bovine, porcine, equine and avian friends!!) Any addictions………….smoking, drugs, alcohol, and censored one night stands…………DO remember.

SPEAK UP. Tell…... Explain….. Elaborate….. Yakkity-yak if needed. Don’t worry. Docs are good and ‘patient’ listeners. J Tell what you remember. Keeping it to yourself will not cure it. And however competent your doc might be…… he surely cannot read your mind!

SHOW…. Any sign that you feel is related to your illness. Any rash that you think is recent and not related to mosquitoes or bugs or nappies! J Or swelling that has cropped up overnight. Or discolored patch…..lighter or darker …… or having no sense of touch….or is intensely itchy.

And now the don’ts.

DON’T REMEMBER all the infirmities that you have EVER suffered from….in your whole life till date!! Please limit to the ones that are giving you trouble at present. If there is any other info required regarding past illnesses, family history etc etc……….the doc will ask himself. Don’t relate past illnesses to present ones. This is the doc’s job ………and believe me he is quite competent to do so. (This does not apply to genetic disorders like hemophilia, thalesemia etc or chronic illnesses like diabetes, heart disease, hypertension etc.)

DON’T SPEAK UP FOR ETERNITY………especially irrelevant talk……that yakkity yak should not be irrelevant …..something that is ‘not at all’ related to your present condition. You are only eating into some other patient’s time if you do so. And the other patient might be suffering more than you are! The doc is not interested in what soap you watched last night or what color suits you or where you do your shopping from. But he might be interested in what you ate last night or how often you eat out or whether you have a water filter at home or what sort of fabric you should wear or what cosmetic and jewelry you should avoid. So take a few moments to think before you engage your (24 X 7 busy) doc in meaningless chatter. Last but not the least……….take appointment with some doc who understands your dialect! If you go and speak Bengali to a non Bengali speaking doc then you first need to get your head examined!

DON’T HESITATE TO SHOW the exact location of sign/symptom. But for goodness sake show it on 'your' self………..not on the doc’s body. Missed my point? Well ……if you are hurting YOUR arm, touch YOUR arm to show where it hurts…..not the doc’s! Because the doc is OK, thank you very much! Most importantly….if you are a female visiting a male doctor ask for a female nurse or attendant to be present while you are being examined. And vice-versa. It is your right. And the doc is wrong if he is not doing so.

So ........ have a nice date with doc!

PS: The use of ‘he, him, his’ for doc in the above article is purely for the sake of continuity and not any gender
discrimination. So all my feminist friends, please bear with me.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Lovely poem!

Hey friends!

Do you remember the poem that we learned in primary school?

Let me refresh your memory! It was a cute poem by EDWARD LEAR! So enjoy!

The Owl and the Pussycat
By: Edward Lear

I
The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!'
II
Pussy said to the Owl, 'You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?'
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-tree grows
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose,
His nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.
III
'Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?' Said the Piggy, 'I will.'
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon,
The moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

The memoirs of Vidyutgati !!

THE MEMOIRS OF VIDYUTGATI
I - The story of Shakuntala

I am Vidyutgati, a mere tortoise by body but more my namesake by virtue of my imaginative prowess. I am four hundred and sixty years old and middle age agrees with me. I now have more time to dwell into the past and dig out some important facts about many kings and dynasties. Much to my astonishment they are presented in a distorted way in the manuscripts today. One should not tamper with history but learn from it. It still is not too late, for I, Vidyutgati have wowed to set it right.

Do you remember Shakuntala, the daughter of Menaka and Vishwamitra? A rare beauty, even in that age, when all the womenfolk were good looking. A salad diet and herbal make-up was her secret. A cock alarm for early rising, one-hour workout with pet deer followed by a glass full skimmed cow’s milk, a fresh fruit salad for breakfast, a healthy low calorie lunch, a game of play-ball with friends in the evenings and vegetable soup for dinner and, lo and behold; Shakuntala, the ravishing!

One glorious morning, I was basking in the sun near the pond. What I saw was more amusing than alarming. Shakuntala was trying to hit a black wasp’s nest with a pebble. Her friend Priyamvada was keeping watch quietly. Then curiousity got the better of her and she finally asked, “ What are you doing Shaku? Don’t you remember the thrashing that you got the last time you tried something equally idiotic?” “Oh shut up! Will you? How can I concentrate with you constantly babbling over my head? And how will father come to know anyhow, until of course, you decide to squeal on me!” Shakuntala shot back irritated. “Well, all right! I am leaving. I want to have no part of this affair, if I can’t know what’s going on. Bye! (May that wasp sting you!),” said her friend and started off. “Hey! Come back here. I didn’t mean that. Of course I’ll tell you. Let me catch this wretched thing first. Can’t you wait patiently till then?” Shakuntala chided.

She finally managed to get that wasp and put it in a wooden box. Then she revealed her plan. “You know Pakshiraja?” Shakuntala asked Priyamvada, “Who? That pest of a parrot?” Priyamvada queried. “Yes,” Shakuntala replied. “What about him? Did he again sing love songs in a male voice to Guru Ma? Did he run away with Anusuya’s under clothes? Just what did that worm do this time?” asked Priyamvada. “He did nothing of the sort. This time he got me a great piece of news! After befriending King Dushyanta’s pet mynah, he got to know that the king is going on a hunting expedition in a few days. He will be hunting in the woods neighbouring our ashrama! Isn’t that great news?” Shakuntala gushed. “Finally, you have lost your last marble! What has the king’s hunting trip got to do with you? (God help her!)” asked Priyamvada. “You are the one who is stupid! Don’t you see? This is my chance to befriend the king!” answered Shakuntala. “So what are you going to disguise yourself as, a bear, a warthog or a hippo? That’s the only way you can get the attention of the king in the hunt!” mused Priyamvada. “Who said anything about my going to the king? I mean to bring the king to our ashrama. And Pakshiraja is going to help in that!” said Shakuntala.

“Anything for you, my lovely!” a deep male voice replied from a nearby tree. Slightly shocked, both women looked up. It was Pakshiraja, Shakuntala’s pet parrot, much to Priyamvada’s dislike. “Oh no! Not you again! Why don’t you play your lewd pranks on someone your own size!” shouted Priyamvada. “ The lovely maiden is jealous of my love to you, Shakuntala. My my! She is getting purple all over, not only in face! Tut tut! I really feel sorry for you, Priyamvada,” said Pakshiraja. Exasperated, Priyamvada said, “I have a definite urge to wring your neck, you dirty feathered, pea brained, squeaky voiced, good for nothing, worm of a parrot. Wait till I lay my hands on you! Come in my way, if you dare! Are you telling me your plan Shaku or should I leave?”
“All right, listen,” whispered Shakuntala, “Pakshiraja is going to go in the woods, and hide in the bushes, right in the king’s path. He then will imitate a lion or a tiger. I am sure the king will follow this bait, and Pakshiraja will lead him to our doorstep. By then the king will be lost in the woods and will be glad to find this place. Then, my dear friend, will be the wasp’s turn to play its role,” Shakuntala said patting the wooden box, “I plan to irritate it to such an extent that’s it comes right after me, as soon as I set it free. Our gallant and chivalrous king will surely help a damsel in distress, don’t you think! I will take care of the rest.” “You surely are a clever and manipulating one, Shaku. Aren’t you afraid of anyone?” questioned a stupefied Priyamvada. “The future queen should be fearless. After all she has to guide and rule the king,” replied Shakuntala with an air of a queen.

My head started to spin and I decided to take a dip in the cool waters of the pond. By the time I finished, they had already left. A few days later I heard that Dushayanta had married Shakuntala in a Gandharva ceremony. So finally Shakuntala had her dreams realised. The rest, as they say, is history!